Today i am frustrated.
There are people in my life who aren’t doing what i think they should.
There are things in the world that i hate.
I want to change all the things.
Most of all though, >>I<< am not doing what i think i should.
There are things in my personal sphere specifically, that i hate.
There are things about >>ME<< that i hate.
I want to change them NOW.
I want to be at the place i want to be NOW.

Yesterday i felt how far i’ve come.
I have grown tremendously and come so far.
I’m growing away from things and i’m not sure i like it, but i do like it.
But it’s not enough.
I. want. MORE, but i’m tired,
but i’m motivated and energised.
I’m fully trepidatious, but mostly unconcerned.
I mean, that just seems natural and appropriate.
So i discard the mental message as not worth troubling over.

This morning my body was screaming at me.
It purged and purged and purged until i was a dry husk.
There is no sickness in my house, and we all consumed the same things.
They are fine, but i’m left sore and dehydrated. Spent.
My legs twitch with the desire to go.
My biceps are jumping.
My head feels like an empty gourd, my neck aches,
my skull is too hard and it’s screaming at me.
Everything wants to be busy and engaged and in full swing.

Wait, though. I can’t.
I’m heavy. I feel weighted down.
I’m tired of feeling opposing things at the same time and with the same intensity.
It’s exhausting and i don’t want to trifle with tiredness any longer.
I see things on my horizon, peeping over, and i want to be THERE.
The light is so bright and glowy and warm and welcoming.
It looks like winning and it beckons me come.
I’m tired though, and i want to skip the distance between us.
I want to BE THERE ALREADY.

This dangling promise frustrates me.
This beauty in front of me, but just out of reach.
I’ve come so far, why is there farther still?
Why must i still DO? Why can’t i be at the just being part now?
My temples are throbbing and my hands feel as if i’ve been wringing them.
Shaking my head, over and over. Wringing my hands.
Drumbeating WHY?! over and over.
The petulant child having one last tantrum.
I endeavour to make that last true.

Ever plodding along,
Always hanging in there,
Peace and Love To All,
~H~

IMAGE: Jordan Wozniak