So eight months in i discover the “Pages” feature. This is very much life as me.
I was born nearly 50yrs ago, to a woman who should have never had children. She reinforced that to me nearly every day she was alive. Whether i was natured or nurtured into it (as is the way of things, i suspect a bit of both) i live with a myriad of things that professionals call mental illnesses, various and sundry, but i just call it the way my brain works. I’m somewhat limited in my ability to be functional and participatory outside the walls of my Little Crooked House, so i do my best to help my fellow humans in whatever small ways i can. The best way i’ve found is to be blunt and upfront about what it’s like to be living life with a brain like mine.
I care very, very much for people, i’m just not currently very good at being around them. And like many of us who live with mental illness, although i’ve struggled with it my whole life, i began losing my grip on things in my late 20s. I spent around 10yrs trying to hang on. I finally turned my attention to figuring out why i was the way i was and what i needed to do to be happier and have a less chaotic, more functional life. It’s been 10 long years of hospitals and p-docs and medications and diagnosis after diagnosis.
I won’t tell what you should or shouldn’t take, who you should or shouldn’t see, or what you should or shouldn’t do. What i will do is share with you what it’s like for me, trying to have the best life possible while living with serious mental illness. Good, bad, or indifferent. I try to be as positive as i can, but i won’t pretend it’s always rainbows and puppy dogs. I will say shit if my mouth is full of it.
My brain is in my hands.
Figuratively. This is not a zombie apocalypse blog.
The most important thing that i want you to know is that you are not alone.
You are not alone.