I woke this morning with the old tiredness and shame wanting to settle over me. Dissatisfaction already pricking into my flesh, and irritation, like a strand of hair i can never get off of my face. I was up 3 or 4 times during the night, which makes it hard to wake up on the right side of the bed. I wonder how much it’s gonna hurt when i swing my legs out to the side and attempt standing.

I pull up my sleep mask to check the time and he’s there, of course. But he’s already awake, and i suspect, waiting for me to rouse. He puts his hand on my breast and says, Well, hello. He kisses me good morning, and his breath could knock over a bison at 50 yards, but it magically chases away all my demon companions. I wrap my arms around him and kiss him back. He asks and i answer, and everything is better than all right.

There’s thick cut bacon left from last Sunday, and burgers from last night’s barbecue. I decadently toast the buns in the leftover grease, and it is BBQ bacon burgers for breakfast. Pickles, fresh tomato, thinly sliced Spanish onion, 2 kinds of cheese, melted, and we wash it all down with orange juice and chocolate milk. Not at the same time. The boy joins us and we make plans for the day. I leave them to go into town alone; they’re making their way towards each other, and it happens faster and better without my “help.”

My body doesn’t hurt as much as it should, and i’m fully here. In the face and functional, yet not planning to do much of anything. Some cooking, some laundry, a walk later to gather cow poop for our flower garden and new raspberry bushes. I’m listening to Bowie and JJ Cale and The Velvet Underground as i write, the dogs sleeping contentedly beside me. The wind is kicking up, the crickets chirp and the gophers whistle. I can hear someone using some big machinery on the back forty. The headache that wants to come is dulled by birdsong and the smell of freshly cut grass.

May this post bring you some of the peace that i currently, blessedly feel.

Be as well as you can, today.

~H~

IMAGE: Marta Ortigosa