Trying not to do too much, but it’s harder than i thought it’d be. My mood is lighter, too. What strange alchemy is this, brain? I’m usually sad and anxious all the time.

You and I are underdosed and we’re ready to fall
Raised to be stupid, taught to be nothin’ at all
~ Marilyn Manson, I Don’t Like The Drugs

I’ve been slowly and carefully experimenting with CBD and THC edibles over the last year or so.* I have a drug history, and my history with marijuana is that i have a low tolerance for its effects, unfortunately including paranoia. So while i’ve been hearing for years from many sources that it might provide me some relief with, pain, with insomnia, and with anxiety, i’ve been hesitant to try. I hadn’t had any for, i don’t know, maybe 6yrs (?) This last bout of therapy though –lemme tell ya, man– it’s been a tough go. It’s increased my fibromyalgia symptoms, and my anxiety has become nearly unmanageable.

I’m an ex-smoker for over 20yrs, and i don’t want to test my success by returning to something one smokes. Even vaping seems like too much of a risk. Edibles it is, then. I started low and slow. I’ve experimented enough that i know i still don’t like to take much. As soon as i feel stoned, i’m paranoid. I can ride it through, because i’m excellent at talking myself through stuff, but i already have to do that enough, mmkay? I’m working with very low doses. I prefer Sativa THC, because it doesn’t weigh down my body, and i can get things done. The Indica helps me sleep better, and the heaviness in my limbs is welcome at bedtime. I was given some tinctures to sample, and have discovered that Sativa drops taken therapeutically during the day can help with my anxiety. If i wake from a dream during the night, i struggle to get back to sleep – Indica drops seem somewhat successful here.

I’ve been skeptical about CBD, but i’ve had better results when the gummie contains both, rather than just the THC. I was gifted with a sample of straight CBD capsules, and after conversations with some who have both knowledge and experience, plus a bunch of reading, yesterday morning i took one. It’s a high dose, close to as much as i’d ever take of the THC, but i had my hubby home to keep an eye on me.

The first thing that happened was i wanted to sleep. That’s not a common reaction, but as a bipolar multiple, that’s not uncommon for me. Sometimes, stimulants make me tired and depressants get me wired. I thought it might be because my anxiety was markedly less, which has been so intense over these last few weeks (i know i’m not alone in this) that my sleep has been for shit. My fibro pain level had dropped, which might also be a result of the relief it was giving me in the anxiety department.

My pain was much easier to manage for the rest of the day. Today it still seems lower than usual, although i can feel it creeping back up to regular levels. I’m not sleeping well, or nearly enough, but still… For most of the day i didn’t feel like i was one twist of the elastic away from a snap.
I’ve felt that way most days for months and months and months.

So is it the drugs? Is it the not-a-drugs? Is it in my head? Is it all this work i’ve done and i’m just having a breakthrough that coincides with my CBD capsule?
Don’t know. I’m just sayin’.
I don’t know if it’s helping for sure, or not.
I’m definitely not promoting the use of cannabinoids, whether from marijuana or hemp. I just share my journey and what i’m doing and if it’s working or not.

The previous was written over the long weekend.
I took another capsule yesterday morning. I woke up in a typical amount of fibro pain. I’d slept, but it was only decent relatively speaking. My anxiety and pain dropped much lower as it had the last time. I was in a foul mood, but it was about other stuff; my anxiety didn’t make the problem worse, and my body pain didn’t make it harder to handle. I’ll take that. Purchased some more CBD-only edibles to continue testing.

I thought about whether or not to post about this, but in the end, i’m about telling it like it is on this blog. As it stands, i’m not convinced it’s helping at all, let alone helping enough to justify the cost. I will be continuing to experiment and track my results as best i can for the foreseeable future.
I won’t be using tags in this post, because i’m not selling anything, and i’m not interested in buying, either. And i won’t be anyone’s spokesperson. I won’t accept anyone else’s products. I won’t be giving any reviews of anyone’s products.
And NO, no one has my permission to use any of what i write in my blog, unless you’ve specifically asked me and i’ve specifically said yes to you, and to what words, specifically.
K?
Kk.

Omg, i want choco Frosted Flakes so much right now…

I don’t like the drugs but the drugs like me

*Legal in my country, just so ya know.