I haven’t known what to say for the last few days because i’m angry. I don’t see anger as either negative or positive in and of itself. What i do see is a world full of people that don’t know how to express their anger appropriately. I don’t want to contribute to the already fractious fray.
Ah, i’ve tried to write about it. Nothing comes but stilted sputtering that just keeps working its way back around to how angry i am. I’m not getting any insight or seeing a possible resolution. I don’t want this blog to be filled with fluffy bunnies and cupcakes (that sounds nice, though), nor do i want anyone to leave this page carrying a heavier burden than what they brought with them (although that may still happen). I want this place to be real. I’ve always wanted to do good in the world: helping others, easing pain, building people up… But i wasn’t able to, until now.
Now i see an opportunity to do something genuinely helpful. It’s fairly simple, and it starts by benefiting me. All i have to do is take all the various words and voices floating around in my head, and put them up on this screen. To show you and me both, how we are not the same and yet we are. You might see that the journey towards knowing yourself and living the life you want is possible. To show anyone whose brain has been altered by nature and/or nurture, that there is a place in the world for us.
Hey, i already feel calmer and less pissed off. Huh. It didn’t work the last couple of days i tried, but it seems to be today. I’m not sure what’ll happen if i get into the things that i’ve been finding so upsetting, but let’s see.
You know what? No.
I’m listening to calming music, the sun is up and not yet hot upon the ground, my front door’s open and i write where i can see the big tree in front of our Little Crooked House. The birds are chirping happily after a good breakfast. The 2 little dogs are laying on my me and the big one is at my feet. The husband and our last teenager are sleeping in and i’m gonna get started on some sort of epic morning meal.
Maybe i’ll be back later, needing to vent, maybe not, but it’s gone for now and it doesn’t feel right to force it up and out. I dunno for sure, i’m just gonna go with what i’ve got for now.
May you have the day you want, and i’ll try to do the same.
Love and Peace To All,
IMAGE: Rachel Park